Gawker.com
Crossfit Is Over
By Hamilton Nolan, Jan 16, 2012 1:52 PM
Did you get a chance to do Crossfit when it was still hardcore? Did you get a chance to do 15 body weigh overhead squats followed by 400-yard sprints for time until you puked, or Tabata intervals until you puked, or sled pulling followed by burpees followed by box jumps followed by muscle-ups, until you puked? If you haven't done it already, it's too late. Crossfit is over.
Yeah, it's in a Reebok commercial. Yeah. Not even one of the cool shoe brands. Crossfit was, until now, a sort of underground-ish worldwide cult of mild-mannered regular people who left work and went to some stylishly dirty garage cave gym to morph into INSANE FITNESS FANATIC FREAKS that you wouldn't really want to be around or (god forbid) talk to about working out, but at least they did good workouts, kept it hardcore, not your bullshit Equinox gym personal trainer trapeze yoga shit, you know? At least they did keep it hardcore, so you could overlook their scary level of similarity to a cult, not that this is a topic I want to ever discuss further with any Crossfit aficionados.
And now it's in a Reebok commercial. Next thing you know Crossfit gyms will be popping up at ever suburban strip mall from here to San Diego, and wealthy stay at home moms will start showing up after their yoga classes, and Jillian Michaels will make a Crossfit DVD, and there will be a Crossfit reality show and some MTV kid will get MADE, into someone who can do 20 pullups. And then there will be the inevitable Under Armour- Reebok- Nike Crossfit sneaker wars, until every Crossfit club is owned and branded, and there will be a pro tour and youth leagues and fashion shoots and celebrity endorsements and doping scandals and cheating.
And Crossfit will be full of assholes. Too bad. Time to ask old Santa for a squat rack.
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